Monday, April 29, 2013

The World According to Bryce: The Right and Wrong Way to Select Sourdough Bread

Have I mentioned that Bryce is slightly OCD?  Self-diagnosed, just so you know.  Our treatment plan alternates between placating and desensitization therapy depending on how inconvenienced we are by the whole thing.

Bryce goes through phases on his preferred (read:  this is the ONLY acceptable choice) main course for his school day lunches.  For years he had peanut butter and jelly—white bread and no chunks (in the PB or J) of any kind.  He graduated in junior high to crusts on. 

Like that, all of the sudden, PB & J was out of favor and it was all meat and cheese all the time.  Mustard, never mayo.  On sourdough.

I did not realize, however, that there was a right and wrong way to buy sourdough bread.

Rookie mistake, I know.

You might think that he would prefer a certain brand name.

You would be wrong.

Typically, I purchase the standard sourdough round.  You know the kind.  The slices on the end are about 3 inches wide, compared to the middle slices which are about 10 inches wide. 


Due to the variation in size, I always just ended up taking a middle slice and cutting it in half to form the sandwich.  The ones on the end we used for toast for breakfast and such.

Life was good.

Then there was the time when I chose the deli cut.  The kind where the slices are shaped more like regular bread.  Same brand, same everything else.  Just SHAPED DIFFERENTLY.


I ACTUALLY thought I was making an improvement over standard. (Seriously, I had these conscious thoughts…)
  1. I don’t have to cut a slice, but can use the bread AS IS right out of the package.
  2. The sides don’t have as much of the chewy crust, which has to be easier for kids with braces.
It was not a good move.

He urged me to reconsider my sourdough choices the next time I was shopping.  And never do that again.  I am not exaggerating.  EVERY day for a week I heard about the bread.

His justification?  He felt like the whole loaf had been cheated of its sides.  Clearly, they were reject loaves.  He could imagine the little sourdough loaves all baking together.  Deli cut was simply a euphemism for “ya, the round ones got all your crusts, na-na-na-na-na!”  And for that, they were deemed less than inadequate.

OK.  Cuckoo, but whatever.  It’s easy enough to just buy the rounds instead, so I did.

Only.  There was this time I sent Jeff to the store for a few things.  Including sourdough bread.  I made sure to tell him how to buy sourdough bread.  I think I scared him.  (probably.  I did not want to be harangued all week)

The store shelves were out of (gasp!) sourdough rounds and ONLY had the deli cut.  He panicked. 

Now what?  He got an employee to look in the back.  Yes.  A guy.  Asking for help in the store.  That’s how scared he was.

He apologetically brought home a loaf of deli cut.  I braced for impact. 

BRYCE:  “I never said I didn’t like the deli cut.”

True story. *sigh*