Monday, May 9, 2011

I Do Not Know This Man.

It is has been scientifically proven that there is a unique code in Peacock DNA that causes their right foot to in fact be filled with lead.  The sister trait to this “lead foot” is a streak of aggression only discernible when sitting behind the wheel of a vehicle. 

It’s true.

Ask Jeff Madsen.

Ask Dave McGill.

Ask Haley Hansen Peacock.

They’ll all confirm this fact.

My sweet husband is no exception.  I’ve learned that it is much more enjoyable for me to ride in the front seat if I just close my eyes when we get too close to the vehicle in front of us.  If I don’t close my eyes, I tend to flinch, grab for handholds and gasp.  If I try to suppress these responses, I just end up anxious.  So now, I just close my eyes.  It’s better for everyone.  It’s better for my marriage.  And, I know that if I don’t watch, it all turns out just fine.  He really IS an excellent driver.  My flinching, grabbing and gasping leads him to flinch, and I think that increases the chance of an accident.

I am regularly the butt of jokes in my household (because, of course, my sons have inherited this Peacock DNA) that if the men drive to Utah it takes 9-10 hours.  If I drive any leg of the trip, it will take 12+.  Whatever.

Jeff’s freewheeling ways have recently caught up to him.  After over 20 years of being ticket-free, he got two tickets within a year.  He took traffic school on line and passed the final exam with an impressive 100%.

There has been a fundamental shift in our household dynamic.  I’m not sure I’m pleased.

Jeff now goes the speed limit (or below) everywhere.  Even if we’re late.  He makes complete stops.  He’s in no hurry, WHATSOEVER.  He points out infractions in other drivers, tsk tsk, present company included.  

Be careful what you wish for.

I believe my real husband has been abducted by aliens.  I wonder if Mulder and Scully are available to take the case.

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