I Have Sock Issues

This is my sock basket. I took this picture tonight. Here’s my system:

1. Do laundry on Mondays
2. Fold socks when clothes are removed from the dryer and throw into this basket on the floor of the laundry room
3. Sock wearers remove their socks, preferably all at once (say, on Tuesday), but generally on an as needed basis
4. Repeat

Today is Sunday. Sunday evening to be precise. Presumably, there will be 5 more pairs of socks removed tomorrow morning. It should be at the lowest point of the week. You can see there are more than five pairs in the basket.

Here is a conversation that occurred yesterday:

Tyler: Mom, I don’t have any socks.

Bryce: Ya mom, I never have any socks either.

So, I’m wondering whose socks are in the basket?

Return with me to a simpler time. I had a sock plan. With three boys + sports, a wise mother will make a sock plan. Here was mine:

• Justin: White, no-show Joe Boxer socks
• Tyler: White crew Hanes socks
• Bryce: White crew Goldline socks
• Jeff: dress socks (of course, which the boys all borrowed from on Sundays), and white ankle Adidas socks.
• Lisa: Whatever I want. I’m the only girl and after all, I fold them.

It was a lovely plan—a standard for domestic efficiency, if you ask me. Buy in bulk for the best price. If the dryer eats one, or there’s a hole, no problem, always plenty more where that came from. Matching and sorting to their owners was a cinch.

But my plan began to crumble when Justin wanted variety. Soon, I had black socks in the mix. Tyler wasn’t happy with his socks either. I could deal though. They could have one other option, but COULD NEVER have the same style as anyone else. That point was non-negotiable. Jeff went rogue. He claimed ignorance of the sock plan and purchased his own socks…that looked just like Justin’s.

Corporate greed also assaulted my plan. Do you know that Nike dri-fit socks have “rights” and “lefts” now? I have been assured by Justin and Tyler that they really can tell a difference. Of course, such custom fitting of socks makes one run faster and jump higher, that goes without saying.

One day when I went to fold socks, this is what I got:

R-R-R-R-L

My plan was in shambles. That was when I stopped sorting socks to their owners. I conceded that point of the plan and just matched the socks and tossed them in the basket. I think there are some pairs of socks that have gone unclaimed week after week until they have been there for over 3 years. We are in sore need of a sock overhaul.

I have sock issues.