1 Gallon of Milk

That is all I need to buy each week.

I’ve figured it out.  It’s a symbol of all that’s making me sad.

In our heyday, we would buy 4 gallons of milk each week.  Two gallons of whole milk for the toddler and two gallons of lowfat milk for the rest.  I don’t remember when we went down to two gallons, all lowfat, but I seem to remember being pretty excited to regain that refrigerator real estate.

For years we’ve been at two gallons of milk each week.  Even when Justin left for school, we still needed two gallons.  They might last us a little longer, but I still pretty much picked up two gallons every time I went to the store and it worked out about right.

After Tyler left I continued to buy two gallons of milk.  Soon, there were four gallons sitting in our outside refrigerator in addition to the one currently being used.  They just kept stacking up and I forgot to notice.

Then that refrigerator died (in the hot days of September)and suddenly I noticed.  Yuck.

Now I buy one gallon.  I dread the day that a carton will do the trick.

I spent the first 25 years of my life dreaming of being a wife and a mother.  I’ve spent the next 25 years living the dream.  The transition from the first to the second is so exciting and welcome.  I’m on the verge of the next transition, and I realize that I’ve been living my dream but now it’s almost over.  I need a new dream. 

Maybe once I get there I’ll think, “Eh, why did I make all that fuss?  It’s green and lovely over here too.”

But right now, it’s looking pretty brown and desolate as I walk closer to the ledge begin to mourn the family we were. (this is the whining I warned you about a couple of posts ago)

And all I have is one darn gallon of milk in the fridge.